Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Closed minds...

Other than here in my own space, I think I'll just shut the hell up ... and abstain from commenting on any more public journals or blogs.

Is it just me or am I missing something here?

When a journal or blog is public, with comments open to the public, I make the (obviously wrong) assumption that the individuals writing are open to viewpoints, comments and other opinions. With the way I have been slapped in the face recently on several occasions when I expressed my HONEST (and personal) opinion - stating it is ONLY my opinion and NOT making any judgments or asserting it is the ONLY opinion, it occurs to me that regardless of orientation, there are a lot of people who are very damn prickly about anything that doesn't absolutely concur with their viewpoint.

I know that I have no issue with a healthy debate nor a difference in opinion. I find the diversity of the population something to cherish - and while I can get emotional and involved in a discussion, I never make the mistake of assuming that MY viewpoint is the only valid one.

Further, when I see something that strikes me as dangerous, physically, emotionally or spiritually - it is not in me to refrain from giving my thoughts - although I have decided at this point that as those thoughts are obviously NOT wanted, I think I will just shut up - except here, because damn, it, this is MY space.

God knows, I don't think my lifestyle and how I live it is the ONLY way to conduct a life - I am well aware that the way I live is intrinsic to who I am and who my family and loved ones are and therefore could NOT be applied to other dynamics.

But, but.. the bottom line is that, like it or not, I BELIEVE there are many relationships out there under the guise of M/s or D/s that are in fact plain and simple abuse - that is MY opinion.

I BELIEVE that many submissives I see are exactly the same as abused women I have worked with in the past - characteristic for characteristic ...

What I do NOT dispute is their right to live their lives the way they CHOOSE. I do NOT choose to be paternalistic nor all-knowing - that is derogatory and undermining of an individual's personal choices. I do NOT dispute that whatever emotional, physical and spiritual feelings they get from their relationship is THEIR choice - that is why we live in a society that at least tries to grant personal freedoms.

But conversely, why is it that those self-same individuals who rip strips of me for NOT agreeing with their viewpoints, for not concurring with their vision of a dynamic - (WHILE never disputing their right to it) somehow find it necessry to denigrate and personally attack me for having that opinion?

I don't get it.

In fact it seems to be when something is put out to the public, then you have to anticipate that not everyone will concur with your viewpoint - if not, then why put it out there?

Regardless, I'm going off to lick my wounds. It appears that honest concern is unwelcome and considered proactively negative.


Buffalo said...

I've been stung more than a few times. Luckily the stings aren't terminal.

Many people seem to be looking for approval or a blessing. When whole hearted kudos aren't forth-coming they have a temper tantrum. It's "if you're intelligent and hip, you agree with me." If you don't agree with them in toto you are an ignorant bigot.

Be glad you don't get it.

Anonymous said...

It's not unwelcome. It's just hard to take sometimes.

Like you said, this is *your* place, this is where you should be free to say whatever you want.. and be free from feeling persecuted for those opinions. When someone comes along to *your* space and argues with you, it no longer feels like your safe place to be, you know?

At any rate, everything you said is absolutely correct and I for one am incredibly sorry for my part in making you feel this way. I did have a temper tantrum but I certainly do not think you are an ignorant bigot. Not at all.


selkie said...

Buff - its the nature of the net I guess and I should stop being so ultra sensitive myself ...and reactive.

and Kaya- I so get why you reacted the way you did - and the bottom line is we are all entitled to show of temper now and again. The world would indeed be a boring place if we all thought and perceived it the exact same way!

1000SP said...

Oh Selkie--many folks are looking for sympathy and agreement, not honest feedback or gentle critique.

Sending you a big giant pot of aloe for your wounds,