Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Rolling Stones - Time Waits For No One


How do you define yourself?

Do you perceive and accept your faults and foibles? Do you reject the little quirks that are so essentially a part of your nature that to suppress them would be to change the essence of self?

The older I get the more I realize how intricate a creature is the human species. Rational in many ways, our irrationality (also an intrinsic part of our personalities) drives us into behaviours we abhor, controls us like puppets, binds us about with self-imposed rules and isolates us from what our emotional and spiritual beings crave.

Our sexuality, for instance, is such a compelling part of our basic makeup- probably one of the most fundamental urges is to procreate and engage in pleasure ... yet from time immemorial we have bound this natural urge about with rules and strictures, hung emotional angst on its basic need and created sometimes insurmountable barriers to the simple enjoyment of sex.

The reality is that influences in our lives create a want and need in us – and in the way of the beast, we second-guess, decipher, deconstruct and create issues about our “wants” until we have created in our minds a dysfunctional creature to be suppressed, denied and derided...and in the process, destroying an essential part of our psyche, thrusting it down deep into the innermost recesses of our minds and denying it egress to the daylight world.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Time clicks away the moments of our lives, one second at a time, eating away the fabric of our realities and nibbling into oblivion and chaos the moments that might have been.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Every moment we live disappears forever in the unwinding ribbon of reality which vanishes behind us. It cannot be recaptured nor relived; memories only are the legacy of risks taken and efforts made. Time is fluid yet inevitable. It erodes our possibilities as surely as our failure to seize the moment which lies within our grasp is a monumental mistake that cannot be rectified ever.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

For every inaction there is a reaction. For every reaction, there is a consequence.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Constant naval-gazing and introspection can provide a semblance of movement that in the end, proves misleading and eats time as effectively as the rotation of the sun.

And the other truth is that with the minute erosion of time against the reality of your soul, there are changes- overt and subtle – the flux of dynamics which are inevitable and insidious. “Truths” themselves are not inviolate but subjective – and how your perceptions arise, play out and then flow into oblivion are as real as the ticking away of day into night. And perhaps the very worst thing is not to do anything at all. For as you stand frozen, life flows around you and the flux and eddy of other lives crash up against the stone of your obliviousness and then part and find another path ....for that is the nature of the river of life ...to find a path and flow ...

I grasp the rich tapestry of my sexuality to myself, pulling the crimson swollen want around me like a cloak, enveloping and comforting, but in the aridness of its embrace I sense the echoing of lost opportunities. I gaze ahead and dread the bleakness of a future where erosion of want and being wanted creates arroyos of despair and austerity.

10 comments:

Buffalo said...

"Every moment we live disappears forever in the unwinding ribbon of reality which vanishes behind us. It cannot be recaptured nor relived; memories only are the legacy of risks taken and efforts made. Time is fluid yet inevitable. It erodes our possibilities as surely as our failure to seize the moment which lies within our grasp is a monumental mistake that cannot be rectified ever."

Absolute truth and very well said. While oft times one person's sence of rational and reality is another person's insanity and nightmare, I believe you well captured undeniable reality.

THE Michael said...

I don't think we can lament our inability to explore all our possibilities, while at the same time lambasting those who take the leap and find themselves condemned for being selfish.

I sit in a prison of love, existing in a shadow of denial for the benefit of something I consider more valuable, and it irritates me to no end when it is suggested that I must bathe gloriously in my sacrifices.

I would just as soon have my cake and eat it too, but since society frowns on that, I will simply gaze lovingly upon my cake and hope it's happy. That's how much I love my cake.

selkie said...

Buff- thank you ...and you're right on the nose - perspectives can be radically different.

TM - hopefully I wasn't lambasting anyone - but sometimes I'm not very clear. I think my point was (somewhere in there) that it is ALL about choice and accepting the consequences of that choice - good or bad - agreed that we ALL want our cake and to eat it too - but if we choose one or other other, at least a choice is MADE. What I can't tolerate is whining about things and then NOT making a choice ...

PK said...

I often have a hard time accepting some things about myself. And some aspects of myself, I radically and categorically deny.

I can choose what parts of my self to exercise.

Not pretty. Prolly not acceptable. But absolutely true.

selkie said...

PK - one of the most difficult things in life is facing up to our own personalities, including the not so great aspects of it!

but you CHOOSE - that is a good thing - I have a bit of an obsession, i admit it- with people CHOOSING - its the whole waffling, refusal to commit thing I can't tolerate - its such an abdication of responsibility!

Tallgrass said...

I remember as a teenager hearing that the average adult male will have sex about 2,000 times in their lifetime, thinking at the time that 2,000 wasn't enough.

I was right.

I feel bad for the poor bastard who is keeping the average down.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

aphron said...

Life's experiences have a way of molding us and changing us. When I look back on my life, I see the missed opportunities. If I had taken advantage of those opportunities, I would not be the same person that I am today. Taken as a whole, I am satisfied with how my life has turned out, thus far.

selkie said...

Tallgrass, I always wonder - who COUNTS these things?

aphron- at the end of the day, if one can look back and feel a measure of contentment, that is a great thing indeed ....

Liras said...

I have three issues,Selkie.
-A shameless love of myself.
-The belief that I have no time to waste, because I refuse to reincarnate, thus this is my go 'round.
-Perpetual and ruthless self-interest.

Those things get me in trouble. Joyfully, of course.

I do not see despair but so many things that I cannot cram into my day.

Sex has always been easy for;men, not so much. I expect them to do as they say, not as they feel.

selkie said...

Liras, your philosophy is delightful... and to me, embraces the reality of now which as you wisely point out, is ultimately all we can have.