Sunday, May 10, 2009

In the end (conclusion)

Thought I was done, didn’t you?

Never underestimate my verbosity ... or as my father kindly coined my words my “oral diahhrea” LOL

AND... because it’s a Rule – yeah...a RULE -there’s ALWAYS a “but”.

When it all comes down to it, damned if I know what it is about two personalities that just mesh. Why do any of us ``hear`` what I have always termed the “call” from a certain person and not from another? It’s not a rational thing in the end, I think. If it were, I am sure there are many relationships that just never would have happened.

And while I cling and believe implicitly in my conviction that we nonetheless ‘choose’ – there is a part inside of me that whispers sometimes the need is just so intense it is as if your ‘choice’ has been decided for you.

It is as part of you stands aside, defeated before the battle even begins and accepts the inevitability of giving into that overwhelming need to submit to that person, the one whose voice resonates and compels and pulls you, sometimes reluctantly, sometimes protesting, sometimes dragging your feet which nonetheless forces your feet to step, one in front of the other, bringing your heart and body and emotions along the path of a new journey even while it leaves your rationality dragging behind.

It is that small, dark, private piece of you that recognizes what your workaday rational mind does not – the potential rightness of taking that path – the one that curves up ahead with the sky wheeling against the tangled wavering line of forest and sea, clouding vision and possibilities and creating that dragging, dreading, quavering, WONDERFUL roiling mess in your heart. Romantic, probably, for despite my posturing and my rationality, my hard-headed practical grasp of realities, I remember what it was like in those perfect moments.

That sense of rightness, of the world which shudders and stops in mid-motion, of eyes opening, truly opening as if for the first time and the mundane realities bleed away the monochrome grey of before and drip salt rainbows of colours you never knew existed until your vision blurs and expands and explodes in an orgasmic conflagration of YES that overwhelms in the intensity of its purpose.

It is a contentment so profound that time loses meaning as you sit quietly awaiting another`s pleasure with no sense of urgency or niggling pricks of unease.

It is the warm, encompassing embrace of ease and simplicity that buoys you up in the midst of a hectic life and gives that sense of safety for which each of us yearns.

Yet at the same time is that humming thrum of hot, red sexuality that flushes heat into your face, that tightens things deep in your belly, that keeps your breasts feeling full and aching, your thighs trembling and moist ....

When all is said and done the siren call is implacable, inevitable and so utterly seductive.

But it’s STILL a choice.

It is STILL a personal decision to answer, reject, surrender or reconsider.

Because in the end, there are no promises that can’t be broken nor assurances that can’t be repudiated. In the end there is only the gamble and the hope and the inevitability of consequence. In the end there is the roll of the dice and the promise of forever that is really only until it is over.

In the end, there are only realities which can’t be ignored and consequences that must be embraced.

In the end, there is just self.

9 comments:

M:e said...

And all those shades of grey, which present themselves in many of our lives in the most glorious technicolour, are there because it will never be simply black and white.

love and hugs xxx

gabby said...

What a beautiful closure! I especially like this part:

And while I cling and believe implicitly in my conviction that we nonetheless ‘choose’ – there is a part inside of me that whispers sometimes the need is just so intense it is as if your ‘choice’ has been decided for you.

That is what I felt for My Master from nearly the first day I spoke to him. It was an an instant connection with someone who understood me and accepted my need to submit and be appreciated for that gift.

Thanks again for your posting and for being so kind to this newbie!

Hugs,

gabby

Vesta said...

Selkie:

That's the kind of writing one does when one goes deep inside one's head. It is what I call "free fall writing". It was simply stunning, and I agree with every word of it.

I found bliss in the every day, such I never knew existed, when I allowed myself to enter freely into the submissive world. When I withdraw, I am less, and ultimately back I go to find the contentment of sweet surrender.

In the end, I have no choice, because my "self" knows that submission is essential to me being "myself".

Keep up the fanastic writing and the opportunity for such engaging and worthwhile dialogue.

Bravo!

cutesy pah said...

There is always just self, and with that self, always choice. for even taking no action, as discussed before, is a choice.

We choose to trust or not, to take a chance or not, to have faith or not, to risk the loss and risk the pain or not.

And, yes, with the right person, the right connection it does feel as there is no choice, as the "call" cannot be ignored, and submission feels as necessary as taking our next breath - as though we have no choice.

For me, that is when the submission is perfect - when it feels as though everything happens as naturally as breathing or as time passing, as though we have no choice.

That's why I say D/s is almost magical, more like a spiritual connection between two people, that works when you work it.

That's MY choice - to submit to that magic that I feel when I submit to Daddy.

thanks for your wonderful posts on this very complex subject.

Gillette said...

We think so alike in this, Selkie.

...that unless we are physically tied up and not allowed to move...or drugged senseless and unable to access our true selves, we are always there by choice. We can always leave. We can always choose not to "obey."

And -or but, as the case may be ;)- I keep flashing on the Arhat and the Bodhisattva. In other words...do we get there through the self or through another? You and I be Arhats. Them Buddhists have been talkin' bout this stuff for centuries...eons. And they still haven't come to agreement. :) Love that. Good news is that differences are what make life fun and spicy. Yum.

And the reason I like my particular flavor is that the implications of it not being so make no sense to me on any level (for who I am). To not have Choice on every level (even soul choice of the above mentioned captive and druggedness) means to me that I am Victim. To me, it is much more of an honor to all concerned to come from my space of power and conscious intention in submission rather than to come from a place of "having to" even though that may be the "face" of it in the surface.

Great series. But then, again, I've enjoyed all your series of post, M'lady. A poet.

Sir J said...

Sometimes even when the decision at hand is monumental the choice is easy. So easy as to be almost imperceptible.

We still choose

thekittenpup said...

you seem to have spoken directly from my heart...that was beautiful

john smith said...

well written...your post which has got an immense sense of pleasure will surely allow me to come and see your post always.


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Tax jobs said...

We choose to trust or not, to take a chance or not, to have faith or not, to risk the loss and risk the pain or not.

And, yes, with the right person, the right connection it does feel as there is no choice, as the "call" cannot be ignored, and submission feels as necessary as taking our next breath - as though we have no choice.

For me, that is when the submission is perfect - when it feels as though everything happens as naturally as breathing or as time passing, as though we have no choice.

That's why I say D/s is almost magical, more like a spiritual connection between two people, that works when you work it.

That's MY choice - to submit to that magic that I feel when I submit to Daddy.

thanks for your wonderful posts on this very complex subject.