Monday, March 16, 2009

Canine Wisdom and Trust ....

I walk in the early morning embrace of dark and pull the night around my shoulders, comforting and familiar. I raise my eyes to the endless sky and sigh despair at the loss of dark, as stars ache and pulsate in frustrated angst in the bleached blue of polluted space, blanched pale in the spill of halogen fouled air, their dying light trapped and unmourned by earthbound eyes.

Turning onto a tree draped street, oasis of quiet and sweet night, I feel the pulse of the moon, hanging radiant in the midnight lair of universal truth, pulsating luminescent concentric light, palely loitering in this pre-dawn moment.

The dogs gambol, oblivious to the tug of their ancestral mistress, minds cluttered with simple joy of stretching muscle and hot breath of lair mate and oblivious to her siren call.

Finn runs free, her legs unfettered by the short human steps of her pack leader, her muzzle raised joyfully to the night air. Caught young and rescued from penury and abuse, she had time to learn the pack way, to learn complete trust and in so doing, true freedom. She runs ahead then pauses, fettered by an invisible bond to my heart and soul, checking and waiting until the aura of our needs meet and meld and reassured, she races again.

Llyr is fettered and hung about with a long umbilical cord of distrust. Beloved but still to learn the pack way, mind and heart clouded by three years of abuse, of short rope and cold and wet and the yearning, wanting, need of looking in from the outside. He has made strides, our Llyr, but still has a long path to take to trust and hope and conviction, to learning leader and internalizing the truth of being cherished and adored and looked after.

And I understand my beautiful boy even while my heart aches.

For one of the most crucial elements in any relationship, to my mind, is trust. Without trust, how can someone put themselves, totally and completely, nothing held back, into another's control?

Trust is a fragile entity, deceiving in that when given with a whole heart, it is incredibly strong, an apparently unbreakable steel band reaching from the heart and soul of one to another.

How utterly sad thus, when one feels they are reaching and connecting to the other's soul and are in fact only touching the surface - fleeting emotions masked as sincerity. Because trust is fragile, easily broken and difficult to mend.

For many, the need to belong is a driving force of their individuality – a conundrum in its own way.

I feel many are caught up in a terrible cycle of joy, giving of trust and crushing disappointment as their honestly given belief is used and then crushed. Compelled by nature to feel unfulfilled without that special bond, a terrible cycle of hope, joy and crushing disappointment plays out again and again.

Trust (or lack thereof) is probably the most pivotal issue in any relationship. It can define, enhance, sublimate and transcend so many other emotions.

Conversely, a lack of trust can sound the death knell for any dynamic. For not trusting is far more detrimental and destructive than almost any other element in the give and take of any life.

I feel the tug as my doubting one tests the limits of his trust and call gently to him, tethering him with tenderness and reassurance. He comes to me then, good boy, smiling up with his silly grin and I reward his trust with caress and gentle word.

The part of me that hearkens to dark lair and blazing fire and the advent of night and terror of the dark denizens that rule its endless hours, feels with an atavistic sixth sense the coming of the light. For though the night wheels above me with abandon, though the moon throbs in a velvet blue sky and the stars cry out soundlessly their death knell, I feel beyond the arching horizon the symphony of life and light and the coming of the dawn.

We turn the corner and with soft hands, I release my boy to join his littermate for a moment of true freedom ... hearkening back to their wolfish roots they stretch their necks and swiftly fly through the waning night, tongues lolling, muscles flexing and for a moment, in their minds they follow the wild hunt through the forest of the night, and in their minds, the hot sweet scent of prey entices and lends wings to their swift feet...

I stand and watch and my heart leaps at their abandon and I yearn for the same sense of freedom; a freedom unfettered, untethered but safe. Embraced and beloved, allowed to fly but content and secure in the knowledge that you are cherished and loved, as finbar put it so aptly...

So, unburdened, fearless,
you sail the airand conquer the blue,
in the tug and pull of this Thanksgiving sky,
in the promise that you are tied and bound
by a Master’s hand that
will hold you tethered
so you can fly.

(Tethered, f-cynr)

And sighing, call them to my side, my broken wings trailing bedraggled on the ground, the trailing rope of my binding frayed and snapped like the broken trust whose sharp, serrated edges snapped my belief.


littleone said...

i read this post.. and though you spoke of more than the dogs.. my mind couldn't let go of an image.. actually an ad i have seen on the telly.......

Its of an adopted dog brought home.. and the girl with him tries and tries to win his affection?? whatever..

she tosses a ball to him and it rolls past him... the dog stands in the door frame looking at her..

she closes her eyes and maybe naps (in my mind she naps) and the dog comes over.. and drops the ball by her...

have you seen that ad?? it always makes me smile.. and it always tugs at my heart strings.. and i have to fight the idea of another dog.....

anyway.. that's what your post today made me think of.. the dog and the ball.. and trust earned not hurried...

morningstar (owned by Warren)

vanimp said...

God I miss my dogs. They are the perfect example of unconditional love x

Buffalo said...

Excellent! The way you tied this all together was masterful.

selkie said...

littleone, i know that commercial... it brings tears to my eyes every time; especially as I volunteer at the local humane society and walk dogs three times a week - poor abused, neglected, abandoned babies.

vanimp - i ADORE my guys - both are rescues. Finn as a pup, mange, heartworm, parasites, bruises, cuts and starving, a small valient little fighter. Llyr at almost 3 - an "outside" dog, who lived his poor life outside looking in, yearning for a home, for a pack - never allowed ingress to the inner light. We've had him less than a year now and he is coming along beautifully.

thanks Buff ... honestly, I learn so much from my dogs ...

Kes said...

I am touched deeply by this, in ways I cannot begin to describe, save that I too walk under midnight skies with my beast at my side... and sometimes the ache in my wings is so keen I fear I will not survive it.

Thank you selkie... for being the music of the night.