Read Part ONE here Read Part TWO here Read Part THREE here
I am aware that many couples are open to the submissive and/or dominant seeking a dynamic outside the primary partnership to satisfy the need to submit or to dominate that they are not experiencing in their primary relationship.
I am also aware that many individuals choose to do so without the tacit or conscious permission of the primary partner.
That is a choice the individual makes. Not one I personally choose but certainly not one I am prepared to judge anyone on either! The one thing I do know is that I cannot speak to anyone’s life but my own; I don’t walk in another’s shoes, I do not deal with their stressors or the day to day realities of their life.
The one thing I have learned in my half century plus of life is that there are no absolutes. I have also been granted the wisdom to understand that extenuating circumstances DO occur... that individuals make choices they are not always thrilled about but make based on choosing the best alternatives to untenable situations.
In short, I cannot live someone`s else`s life; I cannot judge someone else`s choices because each of us must follow our own moral compass, based on the unique circumstances in each of our lives.
So, to be clear, while I believe good, moral people sometimes make choices that potentially could harm others, I believe they do so in full acceptance of their responsibilities, taking full ownership of their choices and being open and honest about their course of action. I can respect that.
However, I also believe that there are many individuals out there, particularly in Cyberia who make a choice to seek a Master or submissive (online and/or offline) as a justification for fulfilling what is ultimately, a sexual desire.
They just dress it up by saying it is a “need” their primary partner is not meeting. “My wife doesn’t understand me”. “My husband doesn’t respond to my emotional needs”. Not really all that different from the excuses that have been used for decades to justify indiscretions. They use the word `vanilla` in a derogatory and dismissive manner.
I bring this up because in the context of this discussion, I believe it important. It is in some ways what launched these thoughts.
Because to justify what you know is a betrayal of someone in your life who you purport to love and respect is something I believe should be undertaken with full understanding of your motives, in full acceptance of your responsibilities and in FULL comprehension of the “why” you are doing it.
I comprehend completely that each us must weigh our personal needs, our desires and our `wants` and as mature adults, make decisions based on our understanding of what we feel we must have in our lives.
All I feel is that be honest about it. TAKE responsibility and don`t pretend that you are being `forced` by your very nature to make choices you would otherwise avoid! Because these are CHOICES we are making, NOT physiologically-induced imperatives against which we cannot fight.
Just accept responsibility
Anyone reading me for any length of time will quickly learn one of my triggers is people refusing to take responsibility.
Meeting your DESIRE to submit, your CRAVING to dominate is NOT the same as a physiological need to eat, to breathe the air or illuminate ... those are things over which we have no control, that in order to live, we must fulfill.
Each of us makes conscious decision every single day of our lives. To do so is simply being human. But those choices are made without coercion.
I don’t deny there are not repercussions to denying something that intrinsically and consciously satisfies a need in our minds and hearts – and yes, I DO believe that the intensity of submission (and consequent profundity of domination) create a state of bliss that is hard (if not impossible) to achieve otherwise, but there are ALWAYS consequences....
If one is prepared to live with those consequences, and conscience and heart are comfortable with your decision, then your life will be balanced in its own way.
Because ultimately life is all about balancing consequences.
So to get back to the question? Can one “put away submission in a little box?”
Yes, one can. It will ache with a desperate intensity that sometimes feels overwhelming. It is an amputation that creates a constant and profound sense of loss. But when the alternative means an ache and loss of another and even more devastating kind, then yes, you can suppress it.
Because when all is said and done, life is ALL about choices. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences if your choices come back to haunt you.