Thought I was done, didn’t you?
Never underestimate my verbosity ... or as my father kindly coined my words my “oral diahhrea” LOL
AND... because it’s a Rule – yeah...a RULE -there’s ALWAYS a “but”.
When it all comes down to it, damned if I know what it is about two personalities that just mesh. Why do any of us ``hear`` what I have always termed the “call” from a certain person and not from another? It’s not a rational thing in the end, I think. If it were, I am sure there are many relationships that just never would have happened.
And while I cling and believe implicitly in my conviction that we nonetheless ‘choose’ – there is a part inside of me that whispers sometimes the need is just so intense it is as if your ‘choice’ has been decided for you.
It is as part of you stands aside, defeated before the battle even begins and accepts the inevitability of giving into that overwhelming need to submit to that person, the one whose voice resonates and compels and pulls you, sometimes reluctantly, sometimes protesting, sometimes dragging your feet which nonetheless forces your feet to step, one in front of the other, bringing your heart and body and emotions along the path of a new journey even while it leaves your rationality dragging behind.
It is that small, dark, private piece of you that recognizes what your workaday rational mind does not – the potential rightness of taking that path – the one that curves up ahead with the sky wheeling against the tangled wavering line of forest and sea, clouding vision and possibilities and creating that dragging, dreading, quavering, WONDERFUL roiling mess in your heart. Romantic, probably, for despite my posturing and my rationality, my hard-headed practical grasp of realities, I remember what it was like in those perfect moments.
That sense of rightness, of the world which shudders and stops in mid-motion, of eyes opening, truly opening as if for the first time and the mundane realities bleed away the monochrome grey of before and drip salt rainbows of colours you never knew existed until your vision blurs and expands and explodes in an orgasmic conflagration of YES that overwhelms in the intensity of its purpose.
It is a contentment so profound that time loses meaning as you sit quietly awaiting another`s pleasure with no sense of urgency or niggling pricks of unease.
It is the warm, encompassing embrace of ease and simplicity that buoys you up in the midst of a hectic life and gives that sense of safety for which each of us yearns.
Yet at the same time is that humming thrum of hot, red sexuality that flushes heat into your face, that tightens things deep in your belly, that keeps your breasts feeling full and aching, your thighs trembling and moist ....
When all is said and done the siren call is implacable, inevitable and so utterly seductive.
But it’s STILL a choice.
It is STILL a personal decision to answer, reject, surrender or reconsider.
Because in the end, there are no promises that can’t be broken nor assurances that can’t be repudiated. In the end there is only the gamble and the hope and the inevitability of consequence. In the end there is the roll of the dice and the promise of forever that is really only until it is over.
In the end, there are only realities which can’t be ignored and consequences that must be embraced.
In the end, there is just self.