read Part 1 first
You see fantasy doesn’t provide for a whole lot of what I’ve just described. Other than the self-confessions of submissives seeking punishment. Or arbitrary rulings by dominants seeking justification for anger.
Fantasy d/s and m/s means you have finite windows of time when you ‘take on’ your persona; because the REALITY is that you have a wife or husband who probably doesn’t know what the hell you’re playing at online.
It often seems to me that BDSM and the dynamics integral to the lifestyle provide an “excuse” and “justification” to many individuals to basically fuck around. Because almost inevitably, the sexual dynamic of the equation is the motivation for it. Somehow, by taking it out of the realm of pure sexual exploration and bringing into the world of D/s or M/s it can then be seen as a “respectable need to fulfill THAT part of yourself” - you know, the part your REAL partner ‘refuses” to explore with you – and thereby absolves the participant from qualms of conscience, somehow makes it NOT cheating.
I even understand the lure
Damn, game-playing is addictive. I was a megalomaniac with Risk and toppled empires and betrayed allies and took over friendly nations – and role playing in the BDSM world can be equally addictive.
But to me, it is ridiculously simple to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Show me a blog where the submissive is ALWAYS compliant, acquiescent, and servile to her Master. Show me a blog where the Master is all-seeing, wise and always correct. Most of all, show me a blog where the sexual exploits form the crux of the writings, where the prurient details are the primary subject-matter and I would bet money we’re talking online ...
And bringing online off, very, very seldom works.
I know that because I am actually conversant with a number of online into reality relationships, and almost without exception, within a fairly brief period of time, they dissolved in a miasma of disappointment, disillusionment and anger. Because REALITY means maintaining an online persona 24 hours a day, 7 days a week just isn’t possible. REALITY means that claims made are quickly seen to be either true or not. REALITY means that you get to see the aspects of self that had to that point been downplayed or overlooked and now have to be dealt with.
And yes, I do know that some DO work. Because in TODAY’S milieu, meeting online is a valid and sometimes excellent way of meeting people.
And thus it is possible (in theory anyway) to bring an Ms/s or D/s dynamic into reality if both participants are willing to make the changes necessary to suddenly allow for the influx of real life. The demands of children. The financial constraints or worries. Who cleans the toilet, does the dishes, picks up the laundry. Because online of course, those mundane realities are always the submissive’s job, part of her ‘servitude” but offline, the REALITY is she is probably working fulltime, has responsibilities to family and kids, and has a myriad of other demands on her real-time time that preclude the living out of what had been possible in a few hours a night. Conversely, the Master will have commensurate responsibilities to family and job, and demands as well that make him less than willing perhaps to take on total and intimate responsibility for someone else’s actions on a moment to moment basis.
That to me, is the line between fantasy and role-playing dynamics and real ones.
It’s bringing it into the realm where you can’t hide behind a created persona, where you learn to live with day to day pressures and realities and in the living, find ways to interact and maintain the dynamic which you both crave. It is knowing and wanting more than just the sexual servitude or the rush that sexual domination and submission provide, because you have internalized that the true motivation and satisfaction of an M/s or D/s dynamic is so much more than just physical.
In role-playing, you turn off the computer at the end of the night and walk back into your real life.
In real life dynamics, you take your problems and issues and joys and successes and failures with you both to bed.