Monday, September 28, 2009

See me, Feel me...

I step into a night which breathes and gallops want into the pale skin of my reality. Restless, anxious with that intangible, nerve-tingling, itching edge that ripples thought into skin and sends electric shocks to limbs that can’t relax; in my shoulder I feel the ache of unresolved want. The dogs snuffle and pull at the ties which bind their energy into sedation but the wind growls in my ear and licks need into my eyes which search a sky of roiling, twitching cloud and dark and feel on the periphery of soul the mumbling earth beneath my feet.

I unsnap the leashes and stretch my legs and feel the wind sweep me in its damp, triumphant want and pull me soaring through the night with my breath streaming into the smoke of mist and mingling with the roar of its passage. The sound of my steps are lost as the earth moves and the line between this reality and the truth as I once knew it stretches thin, shimmering in the Halloween night until the curtain of deception sighs defeat and I hurtle into the moment.

Swift through the night I flee, the shadows of the hounds with crimson eyes beside me, stretching limbs made of molten fire and need matching the fleetness of a strength forgotten. My soul stretches and pulses beneath the fragile flesh of my prison and yearns outward into the magic of this early morning storm and I open wide and allow all the words trapped beneath my throat to roar into the sky and be absorbed into the triumphant wind which embraces and buffets my desperation.

Because talking is so damn hard.

Communication is touted, revered, recommended, bleated as the panacea for all ills. But truly it is far easier to mouth the words as if they were a magic spell that restores confidence, instils understanding and begets a eureka moment than really internalize them.

The human beast when all is said and done has a genius for misinterpretation that despite the best communicator, can cause endless confusion and misunderstandings.

I think the term “communicate” is often mouthed with no true understanding of what that means. And to me, communications is so much more than sounds emitted from throats grown weary of hoping. Touch is perhaps one of the most powerful communication tools but to my mind, the single most powerful instrument is hearing.

And again, such is the complexity of the human paradox that even hearing can be problematic.

It is as if each of us carries inside us the constant hum of white noise, electrical impulses that create static and interrupt the flow of thought and speech. The baggage that weighs each of our unique personalities is incontrovertible and implacable; and can, will, usually DOES cause misunderstanding and confusion as the “white noise” of our own complexities twist the words that are being directed our way. None of us is inviolate when it comes to the human reality of fractured understanding.

JZ, Sir J , and many others have talked about the whole dynamic of listening, learning and communicating and touched on something I also believe true; submissives in particular are not the best at communicating their needs generally.

For in one sense, voicing a “want”, a “need” in a submissive mind seems like a ‘demand’, an anathema to the submissive personality – no matter how outwardly bold and brash that individual seems. Many of us too are unfair in our voiceless, whispering need to be “read”, interpreted and understood – all without providing the much maligned dominant one iota of a clue as to what we yearn for.

But ultimately, any relationship – no matter its designation or “name” – involves two people, both of whom must “listen” and truly HEAR and both of whom must at least make the attempt to communicate.

But as I said earlier, communication is not all about words. Bodies speak volumes and eyes can provide insight and comprehension. A cliché in one sense, that eyes speak but nonetheless to those who see with thought and caring, they are indeed windows to the soul.

Physical reactions, intangible but apparent and often decided, speak to those who choose to hear. Touch can be a powerful tool for communication. Which of us would deny that we can sense those sometimes almost imperceptible but unmistakable reactions of skin and muscle when certain demands are made, sexual, service-oriented or otherwise. Fingers which trace heat along skin can sense a denial or a welcome. Solid, real bodily realities provide rich fodder to those who care to understand.

For those who lack the courage or the will to say the words sometimes, the unspoken needs to be read.

I do not deny the need for classic “communication”; the simple imparting in straightforward words wishes, needs, confusions, irritations or questions. But when all is said and done, we are creatures of muscle and tendon, blood and skin and need and to truly “communicate” we must understand the need to use all our senses to impart the realities of words.

For words can be twisted and misinterpreted, frozen in voices unable to emit their need, tangled in confusion and fear and in the end, simply “sound” which can be so easily lost in the cacophony of our own thoughts….

The night cries out to me as my dogs and I race the roar of its demand and are swept into the maelstrom of elemental need. Over the humming, grumbling roar I hear the words echo clear then fade and then tangle in the swirling confusion of the storm and breathe deep the ozone-rich truth of its implacable pursuit and succomb.


PK said...

Seriously, you are a gifted wordsmith. It's almost too hard for me to read because it is just that good. It almost hurts because it is that pure.


And I adore Dylan Thomas.

Gillette said...

Lovely post on a topic near and dear to me.

Would that communication could be just words that meant only one thing, tied to no emotions that create worlds inside us.

It is the most difficult of things "human" and (I find) one of our greatest gifts. They have such power and mean nothing. They can build us up and rip us apart (both as individuals and in relationship).

Sometimes I wish for mind meld mode to be installed in our brains. And then I think...naaaah...I like it this way, with all its imperfections. Words and our ability to share them are one of my favorite gifts of the gods.

Beautiful communication here, always :)

Jz said...

This is what I was trying to say when I said I wanted the guy to venture and assess. Don't ask, listen to what my body is telling you. Pay attention and I won't need to speak.

But you put it a whole lot better.
Thank you for voicing my thought better than I ever could!

greengirl said...

As always - your ideas are so provoking. All the senses that communicate are important, and all are constantly filtered through our perceptions, moods, context, both in the sending and the recieving of the message. There can always be willful or inadvertant mis-statement/mis-projection, and mis-understanding/mis-reading. Part of the communication becomes even how to interpret these crossed signals.

M:e said...

I couldn't agree more that we communicate with all our senses. Its interesting isn't it that the more tuned in to our partners we are, the more we're often able to 'hear' what they're saying behind or in place of their words. Like you say, all we need to do is 'listen' however they're communicating with us.

love and hugs xxx

mouse said...

Everyone else said it better than I could..

Yup, yup....I totally agree. I think Omega is excellent at reading me, in all ways. I'm probably almost as good at reading him. Like a 6th sense.


Kes said...

Simply wonderful Selkie!

I wanted to vanish into your telling of the night, hounds and storm. I want to read so much more of that moment, that vision.

And your thoughts on communication so succinctly pinpoint the pleasure and agony of our limited words.

wonderful... wonderful! I am rereading your storm again!

The Beautiful Kind said...

Man o man you are good! I'm adding you to my blogroll posthaste!