I’m always fascinated by the intricacies of people’s lives and the motivations, checks and balances that individuals use to make sense of their existence. One of the things I work actively at is to suspend critical thinking and try to understand and internalize everyone’s right to live their lives as they see fit, to accept with equanimity practices I might find curious, perplexing, even, in my personal view, pointless!
The critical, pragmatic selkie however, DOES find it difficult – almost impossible – to suspend belief in certain instances or with respect to certain claims I just cannot find credible or actions for which I simply don’t see a point ... other than to say “I made her do it”.
One of the sticking points for me centers on the many discussion I see (usually in a D/s or M/s context) about orgasm control and ‘coming on command’.
Bottom line, I CANNOT, no matter how open-minded I try to be, no matter how credulous I try to pretend to believe (a) in the efficacy of “orgasm control” (on many levels to be discussed), and (b) that ‘coming on command’ is possible.
There, I’m not going to wrap it up in placatory language or obfuscate it with adjectives.
I don’t understand the need for “orgasm control” and bottom line, I do NOT believe that ‘coming on command’ is possible – I just don’t.
1) Orgasm control
First, let’s talk about female orgasms.
MY reality - based on science and yeah, personal knowledge – is that women’s orgasms are at best a complicated process.
Just a quick look at readily available material:
- According to a 1999 survey, around 43 per cent of women in the US have some sort of problem with their sex lives (Journal of the American Medical Association, vol 281, page 537).
- recent Redbook survey shows that 52% of women regularly fake orgasms
- Most women need about 20 minutes of clitoral or G-spot stimulation to hit the jackpot. But an estimated 24 to 37 percent of women can't climax (and smoking, drinking, emotional disorders, medications, and menopause can make things worse). The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press),
- According to the first genetic study of the female orgasm, up to 45 per cent of the variation in women’s ability to have them could be down to genes.
- The Hite Report found that a whopping 70% of women reported not being able to archive orgasm through just in/out vaginal sex.
Now the reality is that I have only ever read about “orgasm control” online – any real time friends I have tend to find it as perplexing as me. Again, I reiterate, I don’t knock it, I just don’t get it.
Further on, he brings out one of my most compelling points, which is:
in the light of absolutely no empirical evidence. with the fact that there is not one of the foremost institutes that study human sexuality, that has done, or even given the topic of orgasm on command without any prior physical stimulation, any credence, let alone seriously looked at the phenomenon, that a search for any article in the scientific community has come up short. i have been unable to find even any reputable BDSM authors that have dealt with the subject. (my emphasis)
I’ve had this argument before, of course. On my very brief sojourn on Fetlife I remember getting into an argument there and still giggle at the dominant who claims to make his submissive orgasm by pulling her finger LOL… because the IMMATURE selkie can only laugh and think of what “pulling the finger” meant when I was a kid – and it wasn’t an orgasm!
Again, almost exclusively, the whole subject of “coming on command’ seems to me to be one of those internet myths, which is remarkably handy in view of the fact that empirical evidence is never actually provided.
The bottom line is that ancedotal exmaples simply don't and won't convince me. I hold firm to my belief that until emperical evidence is proferred, it is a fun fantasy and nothing more.